I created this image with the help of AI (hey, don’t judge. I’m a newbie, ok?) and it couldn’t have depicted my experience more perfectly.
“And if the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you, he who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies because of his Spirit who lives in you.” Romans 8:11
My content may seem specific to Christianity, and it is. It is also spiritual and divinely purposed to help other women–any woman–reconcile her relationship with our true God–a God who knows her heart, hears her cries, understands her suffering, and whose will is to redeem her, restore her, and give her new life.
Anyway, what had happened was, I was in the dark. <if you see me filing my nails as I’m talking, we’re on the same page>
Asking questions to myself like:
Why do I feel “abnormal”?
Why am I so tired all the time?
So foggy?
And, why do I have chronic physical pain? I am too young for this!
I was absolutely suffering. But I wasn’t sure why and, living in a big city made it easy for me to find many distractions and ways to cope.
But that didn’t mean I stopped asking.
The simple answer was, I later learned, I had trauma. Trauma I was carrying by myself, in denial about the love of God that surrounded me, and His will to heal me from my past and this pain.
And, despite having been consistently and lovingly ministered to by a dear friend for over ten years (hi Jess!), I was “fallen” and I could not get up!
But it wasn’t my fault. Nor is it yours.
We live in a fallen world. And, when we don’t know God intimately, we are vulnerable and can sometimes succumb to it.
We develop false beliefs, maladaptive behaviors, terrible habits.
Our relationships suffer, our finances suffer, and so does our physical body, our nervous system, and our spiritual vision.
I began to notice things, things that seemed demonic.
The number 6, for example (which, I later learned was symbolic of the fall of man. Doh!).
I was easily drawn into distractive environments–environments demonically designed for keeping people like me stuck.
Especially lifestyle “porn” .
Over the course of several fallen years, I ended up developing cancer, and what ended up being a blessing in disguise. A wake up call, if you will.
The night before having a surgery that would not only save my life, but change it for good, a very brave Christian woman grabbed the phone from her daughter, my friend, and asked me point blank, whether I received Jesus as my Lord and Savior.
Before the word no could escape my lips, a powerful resounding “YES” overrode it.
THAT, my friends, I later learned was divine intercession.
Divine intercession is love.
DIVINE LOVE!
The love and blessing of the HOLY SPIRIT!
From then on, despite my resistance and rebellion, Jesus has become my Good Shepherd. My guide. My divine life partner. My ride or die.
Even though I was baptized as an infant in the Catholic tradition, I had almost succumbed to the darkness of the world.
I am brave enough to admit, it was fear and resistance, unforgiveness and ignorance that caused me to have such a difficult journey home.
If you’re reading this saying to yourself, “holy sh*t, this resonates”, it may be time for you to surrender for your “redo”.
Be brave. Have faith. Know you are loved. Remain hopeful.
You will see your victory, too. I just know it.
If you’ve taken anything from this today, please know there’s a God who loves you. And, while that can be difficult to see based on what we were raised to believe, it is the absolute Truth.
Next Post: God, what the heck?
