I hadn’t heard this term before (“relational burnout”), it came to me as I closed last week’s post. And it made sense.
In the post, I mentioned becoming severely codependent (or at least “severely” responsible and anguished) after hurting my brother with an attempt at setting a healthy boundary for myself. I had no idea I was headed straight to burnout.
Chasing after my brother’s heart, trying to regain his trust, acceptance, and his love, while also feeling hurt, angry, and resentful toward myself, is why I used the term “relational”. And it wasn’t only him.
An over-giver at heart, I became “overly” invested at work and in every relationship, trying fervently–emotionally and physiologically–to prove I cared. Trying fervently to give others this thing I so desperately needed myself.
I’m not sure exactly why I became trapped in this cycle, but I suspect it had something to do with not getting what I needed as a child, and a false belief this “thing” I needed could come solely from another person, and that I was somehow fully responsible for giving it to them, too. I also falsely believed my friends and coworkers wouldn’t get this thing if I left. This thing called love.
And I know I am not alone.
So many of us women–and men–struggle with codependency. Struggle with taking on too much responsibility, and expecting others to do the same for us.
And we get hurt. We get burnt out.
While we do need each other, without a doubt, we cannot possibly bear each other’s burdens on our own.
Heal each other’s broken hearts.
Save each other from ourselves and from the world.
But God is good.
He loves, edifies, and provides for us. He supports us. And He never leaves or forsakes us.
We can trust and do life with Him.
And we can do life with faith. And with boundaries.
“Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.” Proverbs 3:5-6
So if you feel alone today, if you feel unloved, misunderstood, and/or abandoned, if you feel unheard and/or burdened. If you feel heartbroken, and burnt out from “trying”, please respond to this post and I will pray with you.
Next week: Finding freedom from emotional bondage
